While living with a wood stove, I have learned so much about fire: how it burns and revives, dies and returns, burns slowly and steadily or roars and devours. The other night I dappened down the fire down so much that when I opened the stove in the morning, a puff of smoke escaped and the blackened wood gasped for air before roaring back to life after a whole night of waitings. This describes how I have felt this past week, as if my own energy were just waiting to be released, and the fire behind my projects rekindled. Poof! Smoke out, smoke in, a sudden burning, a warming of the surroundings and, I am awake! I saw the shadow of smoke on the snow. For now the fire burns inside.
I need to ground the flame. My dreams around this Full Moon have been intense and restless. I dreamed I was wearing a yellow apron. I dreamed I was back in school, learning. I dreamed I was teaching, which I'll go back to in real life this week. The night of the Full Moon, she woke us up when she was exact. The following day I drew the Hermit card. In Tarot, the Hermit card represents Virgo, and this noble Virgin said to me:
Look inside for the fire inside. Outer reaching only gets us so far.
This is a lesson from the plants too. The heart of growth lies deep within the seed. A reminder not to take too much in. All I need are a little light and air to blaze again.
In a session with a client recently Sunflower came to me. She offered me a golden oil which she poured down my throat, soothing and reviving me.
A Gift from the Flowers
Sometimes our fire inside can feel terrifying, obsessive and dark. Our addictions may come to light, those things that we burn for that do not do us any favors. Our desires may sometimes feel taboo. But your fire inside need not scare. Our passionate desires can light up the dark and burn away shadows, even the ones we'd rather not see. Your fire inside feeds your growth.
The fact that light casts a shadow remains one of the paradoxes of fire. Flame also produces smoke, a kind of shadow too, yet we were born to face this conundrum, thanks to the fire inside of us. We are both dark and light.
Our own shadows can feel heavy at this time of year. As I write this, I am sitting through another snow squall, witnessing March coming in like a lion. I'm turning to the energy of Pisces to sooth last month's excessive Aquarian energy. The Sun is in Pisces with Venus, approaching Neptune, Venus' higher octave, so reality may at times feel dreamy and watery too. We can allow ourselves to be rocked in these watery energies within us, our fire finding balance. The seed needs both too.
Believe in Spring
One morning last week the weather was so warm I forgot to stoke the fire. I was caught up in doing and I forgot that at this time of year, the fire always needs tending. The last few months have felt like that. My inner fire needed some tending, and this school holiday has given me that. I needed some time to rest and feel into the warmth that was growing. I needed to believe in Spring.
Flowers are surprising. Pictured here is an image of Cleomes I drew last Summer, strong and sticky. I don’t know Cleomes very well. I was pleasantly surprised when, the other day, thinking of my business and how I wanted it to grow, going through old notes, I discovered this drawing I had forgotten I had made, on a warm, sweet day, of a strange, exciting flower. I look forward to the blooms that will grow with me this Summer. I dream of connecting to them and sharing my musings with you in the coming months.
Let me know if you would like to discuss a Spring collaboration. I have a few spots available for three or six month one-on-one creative coaching programs, to support you as you rise into the Spring on the wings of your inner fire. What will the Spring bring for you? I am currently working on a creative writing project with a client and a green business venture with a curator turned entrepreneur. You can make an appointment to speak with me about your project here.
In the meantime, keep stoking your fires!
Love,
Amy